Mental Meldtdown

So let me tell you about my day......Yes it's July 2nd. Yes, according to my 'Adoption Timeline' our case was heard in court today. Yes, since the title of this post includes the word 'meltdown' then it is correct to assume that we did NOT pass court today.  My entire day hasn't really been great...  Want to see what lead to the meltdown??

• Woke up--well that was ok, too early for my taste, but expected since today is a work day
• Drove in the after effects of hurricaine Alex (ie rain) all the way to work---normal commute time--not to bad
• 1st patient of the day---a lovely woman---I had to give her bad news--bad #1
• Spent a lot of time trying to get her plan of care situated with my backup doctor and nurses, etc--bad #2
• Recieved news of not passing court---bad #3,4 and 5
• Realized not passing court was because our letter said we were physically fit to parent a child but did not include "mentally fit"--bad #6 and the begnning of the meltdown
• Called my doctor to see if I could get in today for a new letter--told yes...at 130pm...its 1130, I'm backed up in the office with at least half a dozen waiting patients--bad #7
• Called my husband to see if he could go at 130---couldn't---bad #8
• Called my AAI social worker--found out H has STILL NOT recieved her Welcome Bag--bad #9--was rude to our social worker
• Called the doctor then my husband back to schedule HIS appt for next week---bad #10
• Walked out and saw a patient that I did NOT want to see, mainly because she takes a MASSIVE amount of my time in the office (not to mention my emotional energy) and I just didn't have the mental strength to deal with it today--bad #11--meltdown is beginning
• Everyone I"m seeing in the office was due to have thier baby LAST week, but are still pregnant AND I'm on call this weekend bad #12
• Grabbed the other 2 CNMs in the office to explain what was happening--and was told to LEAVE NOW and forget about the office (yes, I'm at the beginning of the meltdown with crying--ok starting to sob), got a great hug--so good #1, 2, 3 and 4 (brings us back down to bad #8)
• Get in car, in the continued reminants of hurricaine Alex rain and phone rings, kids, fighting about who was NOT doing what they were supposed to be doing---bad #8,9,10,11 and 12
• MENTAL MELTDOWN--started sobbing, yelled at the kids, hung up the phone, called husband sobbing, hung up the phone, called my sister sobbing, had my sister call the kids to explain what was happening
• Managed to make it safely to the Dr's office for the new letter

I am doing a bit better now.  I guess I was so hyped up on the fact that everything had been going so well so far.  I know about 40% (or some number like that) doesn't pass court on the first try.  I guess because it is over something so seemingly STUPID, compounded with the bad day, I just lost it.  I think I'd have handeled it better had it been a big issue.

We are so close to meeting Hanna. So close to having her home.  So close to leaving on our trip and I feel like I have NO time or energy left to put into the planning of the trip, which I feel like I'll be doing alone.  Yes, mostly because I dont want to let anyone else have control. Control is my security blanket.

I did call our AAI rep back and apologized for my rudeness and got some questions answered and some questions passed on to someone who can answer them.  It's almost 5 pm here?  Is it too early for a glass of wine?

Older Child Adoption

First, I know that I've been very delinquent even for an 'occassional' blogger.  As you can tell by the 'adoption timeline' on my blog, it hasn't been like nothing is happening.  I guess the biggest news we've had is obtaining a copy of H's baptismal certificate that gives us a birthdate making H just over 12 years old.

12 years old.  I have to admit that is a couple of years older than we hoped, 2 years older than we said we'd ever adopt, and would make H a 7th grader by age.

But....when we heard the news, I also have to admit that I wasn't too bothered by it.  I wasn't that suprised. I wasn't disappointed.  I also would have fought the idea of adopting H if we'd known this before.  I'm not sure why it would have made a difference before, but not now.  Maybe its because we'd already committed to her no matter what challenges lay ahead and this is just the first of what will probablly be many unexpected occurrences. 

It is interesting that my biggest concern regarding her age is not that she is going to be about 6 months shy of her 13th birthday by the time she moves into our home, or the fact that we've adopted out of birth order (H is almost exactly in between Sarah and Hailey as far as age goes).  My biggest concern is that she should be in 7th grade by her birthday.  If I hold her back to 5th, that will make her 16 her 8th grade year and 20 when she graduates high school.  If I put her in middle school, I"m afraid that she will have a difficult time not only with academics because she needs to catch up, but also that the social drama of the american preteen is enough to drive anyone to madness!  At least keeping her in 5th grade will afford her an ally to help nevigate the system---Hailey.  Of course placing a 12 year old in the same grade as her 10 year old 'little' sister has its own set of challenges. 

I'm telling myself that there are so many other more important issues (which I wholeheartedly believe there will be) related to leaving her home country and her friends and everthing she knows.  I guess that I'm just thinking about the age thing a bunch because it is information that we have that is concrete and can mull around in my brain . Right now, we know so little about H's past, I can only speculate about everything else.

I have to admit, God has certainly led us in a different direction that we thought we would go.  We planned going into this to bring a young boy--preferably aged 4-6 (but NO older than 10) into our lives.  Instead we have a beautiful daughter named H that was born 12 years ago.  And we can't wait to meet her!

Now...as far as other updates....
Our case was submitted to court June 14th.
Our agency is checking in to whether or not we can go ahead and travel to Ethiopia for the first court date or VERY shortly there after to meet H so maybe we can get through court before the rainy season forces the court closed until September.  If we can get through court by August, then we may be able to have H home as early as September of October.....so pray away that this happens!

First Impressions

I'm stressed.  I need to compose a letter to my daughter (yes, I am already considering H to be my daughter) but I don't know how to start off the letter to her.  This will be her first impression of her mom and dad.  I know what I want to tell her, about her home, about her sisters, about her town, about what we do as a family.....I just can't figure out how to start it.  I'm afraid that she will misinterpret anything I say....

What a Wonderful Wednesday

We are so pleased to announce that we have officially accepted the referral of a little girl that we will for now call "H."  H is 10 years old and absolutely beautiful.  We would love to show you a picture of our newest little girl, but blogging guidelines for adoptive parents prohibit us from showing her off via our blogs until we pass court. For those followers from AAI, you can see our H on the last waiting child video (2009)....she is the first little girl!

H already has something in common with her sisters....swimming is her favorite activity! While I know that she shares something in common, she also has a completely different life experience than Sarah and Hailey.  We are preparing for a little girl that has suffered a great deal of loss and trauma in her 10 short years.  We are praying that as we are preparing for her, that God is preparing her heart for joining our family.  We are lining out doctors, reading on attachment, have a plan to visit the school to talk about learning options for her and looking for a therapist (just in case).

I am so excited and at the same time sad.  I won't get to meet her and hug her and really get to know her for several more months.  We're hoping--best case scenario--that we will be able to travel to meet her in late July and she will be home with us by October....but the world of international adoption is unpredictable.  We'll keep you posted as we know more.  Right now, we'd love prayer!  Pray about everything or anything related to this adoption, there isn't any part of it that we couldn't use God's hand in :)  It seems so far that he's been pretty involved!  We hope to keep it that way!

Stuck Like Glue....

Yes, it has happend, I've become attached.  I've become attached to a little girl but I cannot assure yet that she will join our family.  I told myself not to do this. Not to think of her being in our home, not to think of her in pictures on our wall, not to think of her playing with her sisters, but I can't help it.  We are very close to being able to request that she join our family, and I keep telling myself that if it is meant to be, she will join our family. If God has other plans for her, then she will be where He wants her to be. 

But, you know me (and if you don't let me assure you that those who do will all agree). I am IMPATIENT.  Especially when I make up my mind.  Tony has not committed ("I'm thinking about it") but at the same time, he says that it just doesn't seem right to subject a little boy to a "house full of estrogen" and her profile is the only profile of a girl we've reviewed. So I think he is hooked to, but is doing a bit of a better job than I am about distancing myself.  He is trying to stay unattached.

In a few days, we will have all of our documents to AAI (Yes, the previous post showed our dossier had arrived at AAI, but they want an updated tax form for 2009 that we hadn't filed yet).  Also, our notarized homestudy hasn't gotten to AAI yet either due to some changes in the background check system.  But, the tax form should arrive Monday and the homestudy not far behind that.  As soon as all the paperwork is recieved (and Tony gives the OK) then hopefully I can let myself become more attached.  We can request that the little girl join our family.

Yes, I know court has to happen too, but I'm faithful that if God led us this far, he will keep things moving toward his goal. 

I'm faithful that God has plans for this little girl and that she will do great things where ever she goes. So, I will pray for patience and peace in His plan and timing.  Our social worker reminded me that God is preparing us and our heart for the child he wants with us.  He is also preparing the heart of the child that is to become part of our family.  I try to tell myself that by personally taking on the properties of gum stuck in hair that even if this little girl doesn't join our family, that the preparation in my heart that she made was God's work.

So, since I know I can't completely fight the attachment, I'll just pray that God continues to move things forward (like the Fed Ex truck and Tony getting home early enough to get the tax form notarized tomorrow).

Houston......The Eagle has Landed

Imagine my happiness when I decided to check and see where our dossier was on it's route to Washington and I saw this.....

That's right....Our Dossier arrived a day early!!!

Thanks Fed Ex!

Dossier

So, after 6 weeks and much coordination, we've finally finished the Dossier!!!! It was placed into the hands of a very reassuring Fed Ex packaging gentleman this afternoon about 2:30 pm. Our VIP (Very Important Package) is set to arrive in Port Angeles Washington on Tuesday! Debra came with me for moral support! And we celebrated with a little Starbucks afterward. I am amazed that the Dossier took us this long, it didn't seem to complicated at the start..but all the coordinating of signatures, and then finding out that 4 of our forms were signed by notaries with expiring commissions within the next 6 months!!!!


So after much collection, sorting and triple checking the documents......

 

OUR DOSSIER
all 25 pages and 16 photos
(packing envelope and mailing label not included!)