Mental Meldtdown

So let me tell you about my day......Yes it's July 2nd. Yes, according to my 'Adoption Timeline' our case was heard in court today. Yes, since the title of this post includes the word 'meltdown' then it is correct to assume that we did NOT pass court today.  My entire day hasn't really been great...  Want to see what lead to the meltdown??

• Woke up--well that was ok, too early for my taste, but expected since today is a work day
• Drove in the after effects of hurricaine Alex (ie rain) all the way to work---normal commute time--not to bad
• 1st patient of the day---a lovely woman---I had to give her bad news--bad #1
• Spent a lot of time trying to get her plan of care situated with my backup doctor and nurses, etc--bad #2
• Recieved news of not passing court---bad #3,4 and 5
• Realized not passing court was because our letter said we were physically fit to parent a child but did not include "mentally fit"--bad #6 and the begnning of the meltdown
• Called my doctor to see if I could get in today for a new letter--told yes...at 130pm...its 1130, I'm backed up in the office with at least half a dozen waiting patients--bad #7
• Called my husband to see if he could go at 130---couldn't---bad #8
• Called my AAI social worker--found out H has STILL NOT recieved her Welcome Bag--bad #9--was rude to our social worker
• Called the doctor then my husband back to schedule HIS appt for next week---bad #10
• Walked out and saw a patient that I did NOT want to see, mainly because she takes a MASSIVE amount of my time in the office (not to mention my emotional energy) and I just didn't have the mental strength to deal with it today--bad #11--meltdown is beginning
• Everyone I"m seeing in the office was due to have thier baby LAST week, but are still pregnant AND I'm on call this weekend bad #12
• Grabbed the other 2 CNMs in the office to explain what was happening--and was told to LEAVE NOW and forget about the office (yes, I'm at the beginning of the meltdown with crying--ok starting to sob), got a great hug--so good #1, 2, 3 and 4 (brings us back down to bad #8)
• Get in car, in the continued reminants of hurricaine Alex rain and phone rings, kids, fighting about who was NOT doing what they were supposed to be doing---bad #8,9,10,11 and 12
• MENTAL MELTDOWN--started sobbing, yelled at the kids, hung up the phone, called husband sobbing, hung up the phone, called my sister sobbing, had my sister call the kids to explain what was happening
• Managed to make it safely to the Dr's office for the new letter

I am doing a bit better now.  I guess I was so hyped up on the fact that everything had been going so well so far.  I know about 40% (or some number like that) doesn't pass court on the first try.  I guess because it is over something so seemingly STUPID, compounded with the bad day, I just lost it.  I think I'd have handeled it better had it been a big issue.

We are so close to meeting Hanna. So close to having her home.  So close to leaving on our trip and I feel like I have NO time or energy left to put into the planning of the trip, which I feel like I'll be doing alone.  Yes, mostly because I dont want to let anyone else have control. Control is my security blanket.

I did call our AAI rep back and apologized for my rudeness and got some questions answered and some questions passed on to someone who can answer them.  It's almost 5 pm here?  Is it too early for a glass of wine?